Greetings from Oz

Hey everybody,

Pictures here:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/regdWDget6nkJRubA

I think the last time I wrote I was in Queenstown. I'm now in Airlie Beach heading up the east coast of Queensland in Australia. Being surrounded by queens makes me feel at home I guess. For those of you who don't know about Queenstown in NZ, it is a town literally designed to suck the money from your wallet. It's renowned for all the adventure activites you can do (bungy, skydive, canyoning, sledging, parasail, jetboating, etc), it has tons of bars and restaurants, and it has a casino as well. Needless to say, I spent my share of cash there. The first day I got to Queenstown I was just wandering around checking out the place when who should I see walking down the street but Hollie and Jonny Red Roses from Fiji. The weirdness didn't stop there. After we went out drinking that night and I headed back to my hostel, I got in a conversation with an American guy who was staying there. Turns out his name is Lior, he used to work for C&W/Exodus, and he used to be the SE for Keynote (my old company). So we went back out for a couple of beers, and while we were out I ran into Ralf and Eelko the two Dutch guys from Nelson, who told me to come party with them on St. Patricks day.
So Queenstown turned out to be a total blast. I did two jumps from the canyon swing, the first one just straight out to get it overwith, but I liked it so much that I did another one. The second one (the one that's in the pictures) was done "gimp-style" where they hang you upside down and release you headfirst. The reason they call it that is because they take a stuffed animal that they've "altered" with electrical tape to make it look like the gimp from Pulp Fiction and they strap it to you while you jump. It was great. I could probably write another whole story about St. Patrick's day in Queenstown, but I'll try to keep it short. I met up with Ralf and Eelko at about 4 o'clock. From that point I can't really tell you in terms of hours or minutes how long we were out, just in terms of Guinnesses. We met up with William (a Brazilian guy we also knew from Nelson) and Helen, then we were also met by three Irish guys who were bunking with me at the hostel. I remember buying a lot of rounds. The two Dutch guys had never celebrated St. Patrick's day so they were surprised that so many Irish people were crawling out of the woodwork. I explained to them that it's cool to be Irish on St. Patrick's day. I also added that it's cool to be Italian *every* day. The next day I decided to clear my hangover and sweat out the toxins I'd climb up to the summit of Ben Lomond which is a mountain overlooking Queenstown. The peak was 1750 meters. About halfway up I thought I was going to cough up a lung, and that was before I hit the steep part. There were old women passing me by. I think it's because I didn't have one of those cool walking sticks. Anyway, once I finally reached the summit after about 3 hours of climbing, the views were spectacular. You could see clearly for 360 degrees, from Queenstown and the lake below, to the Remarkables, to some snow-capped mountains off in the distance. It was awesome. On the climb back down I had a falcon swoop down within 10 feet of me and perch itself on a rock. I tried to get close to take a picture but it flew away. The climb and the Nevis bungy were the higlights of my Queenstown stay, but they couldn't have been more different. The Nevis is a 440 foot bungy jump where you're falling for over 8 seconds. They make the heaviest guys go first, and I was tied with two other guys at 91 kg, which was weird since when they weighed me at the canyon swing I was 88. I guess I gained some weight on St. Patrick's. They drive you about 40 minutes out of town, and the last bit is up this narrow, winding road to get to the Nevis gondola. In retrospect, I think that drive was more dangerous than the jump itself. Anyway, they picked the four heaviest guys and winched us out to the gondola in the middle of this canyon. They asked who wanted to go first, and since no one answered, they picked guess who? So they made me sit in this weird dentist's chair with stirrups so they could strap me into the foot harnesses. I was making jokes asking them if they were obstetricians and whether it was a boy or a girl, but they didn't seem to think that was too funny. The rest of it you can see by the pictures at the link I mentioned above. They make you inch out onto this narrow ledge, then give you the quickest countdown in history before you have to throw yourself into the abyss. It was sooooo cool. I screamed like a little girl.
After Queenstown I headed to Christchurch, which wasn't all that exciting especially after Queenstown. I got my pictures put on a CD and sent them home so hopefully Ang will be able to put them up on my website soon. Honestly, I was disappointed. I don't think pictures could capture all the amazing things I've seen, so you'll have to take my word for it and use your imagination.
From Christchurch I flew to Sydney for my first glimpse of Australia. I met another guy on the bus ride into town who worked in the Antarctic research station, so I think I am destined to go. The hostel where I stayed was in King's Cross, which is the strip club ground zero of Sydney. There are also lots of "massage parlors." I spent a day doing the ubiquitous city walk, checking out the harbor bridge and Opera house and walking through the botanical gardens. The next day I headed to Bondi beach, where I was pleasantly surprised to find many hot girls, some of whom chose to sunbathe topless. Of course, as a sorbet to counter the effects of the topless ladies, there were many dudes wearing speedos. This one really burly guy was actually wearing a thong speedo.
He chose to place himself about 30 feet to my left, which essentially blocked that whole side of the beach from my view lest I get an eyeful of man ass. When I become president, my first official act will be to pass the Dave Bresci Speedo Bill where you can only wear speedos if you have a license. So you'll go to the DMV and in addition to a driver license and registration you can get your speedo license. Someone would check you out to make sure you're not too grotesque or wrinkly to be wearing a speedo and off you go. There'd be a three strikes law so if you get caught wearing a speedo without a license three times, you'd have to go to jail in your speedos. So then it would be a deterrent for other criminals as well...
would you want to be jailed with a bunch of old guys in speedos? I think not! So my platform would be no speedos, I'd legalize weed, and institute a monthly foam party on Air Force one. Vote for me in 2008! Where was I? Oh yeah, Bondi beach. I also took the ferry to check out Manly beach the next day, which I didn't like as much as Bondi, maybe because there was not as much toplessness. Heh.
From Sydney I flew to Brisbane where I stayed for a couple of days. I met up with Helen who showed me around the town (she lived there for 4 months) and was now back in Brisbane for a while. Brisbane really goes crazy on the weekends, especially around Brunswick street. It reminded me of some of those Girls Gone Wild videos of Bourbon street, minus the nudity. Just a load of people out in the street, bars blasting music, general chaos. It was great! I was also able to catch up with Anthony from Fiji who invited me to his house for dinner. We spent an enjoyable evening with his cousins throwing rocks at rats and possums in his backyard.

So that's the latest. Hope everyone is doing well!
As always, the dude abides.
Dave

Happy Anniversary

Hi all,

Pictures here:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/i5sDHM2Lz3BocfCC7

Today is the one year anniversary of my unemployment. Woo hoo! In honor of this momentous event, I've decided to celebrate by... not working! Ha ha ha!!!

Last time I wrote I had just gotten to Nelson, which is where I ended up staying for about 4 days just lazing around the pool at the hostel and taking some walks around the area. I was lucky to have great weather for the time I was there. Nelson is kind of like Santa Cruz; it's near the water, has good weather, and has a bunch of little shops that sell arts and crafts, hippy stuff and organic shit. The hostel where I stayed has a bunch of lifers there. From how they tell it they've been there for months. These two Dutch guys Ralf and Eelko have spent two months picking fruit in the Nelson area. From what I can tell their day consists of picking fruit, hanging out in the hot tub, getting drunk, and waiting for the Kiwi Experience bus to drop off girls.

From Nelson I wanted to hit the Franz Josef glacier on the west coast. I'd read in the Lonely Planet guide about how the TranzAlpine train across the southern alps was one of the most beautiful rides in the world so I went out of my way to go to Christchurch first then take the TranzAlpine to Greymouth the next morning. That was a big disappointment. Maybe it's better in winter when there's snow but I've taken more scenic train rides in Europe. I was pretty pissed off that I spent extra time and money on this diversion when I could've stayed an extra day in Nelson by the pool.

Franz Josef is not really a town, it's more like a few hotels and some stores at the base of the glacier. I'd never seen a glacier before so I decided to sign up for an all day hike. I was considering doing a helihike where they bring you up the glacier by helicopter but the weather was really crappy so they didn't know if it was going to be available. For the hike they hook you up with boots, a rain jacket, an ice pick, and some steel talons to attach to your boots. I think my favorite view of the glacier was at the base where you can see how enormous it is. We spent about 6 hours on the glacier itself and it was pouring the whole time. Much climbing was involved, as you can imagine. It's not considered an extreme activity, but I managed to turn it into one by slipping headfirst into a crevasse. Somehow, the slippery snow nullified my cat-like reflexes. I think I had defective talons. Anyway, we're crossing over these crevasses when next thing I know I'm sliding down on my back headfirst. I must've used a combination of my left knee and my skull to stop my descent because that's what was sore afterward. It was about a 30 degree decline that went down about 25 feet so I don't think it was life-threatening. Still, I don't think it would've been too much fun. There were some pretty amazing things to be seen on the glacier, like the blueness of the ice and some of the natural caves that we slid and crawled through. Wicked!

From there I headed to Wanaka which is a small lakeside resort town. I stayed there a few days doing some day hikes and kayaking out in the lake. I met a guy from Marin who just spent 5 months working on a research station in Antarctica. I think I've found my next job! There's this cool little movie theater in Wanaka called Paradiso where they have couches and lounge chairs and serve fresh-baked cookies at intermission. I watched Return of the King (again). I think if Lord of the Rings took place in modern times they'd replace the ring with a cell phone. You know what I'm talking about, how people treat their cell phones. I'm going to text you later with... my precious! Anyway toward the end of the movie when they show a shot of Liv Tyler up on Minas Tirith someone had spliced in about 1 second of a porno. This naked woman was up there and gone in a flash. The whole theater started cracking up! It was just like in Fight Club! Awesome.

Speaking of Fight Club, it's true what Ed Norton says about single-serving friends. When you're travelling you end up meeting random people and just chatting with them for a couple of hours and you'll never see them again. Sometimes you don't even find out their names. Weird.

After Wanaka I headed to a small town called Te Anau from where I took a day kayak trip out to Milford Sound. It's in the middle of Fjordland which is named so because of... surprise... fjords! If you don't know what a fjord is, www.m-w.com. Again it was raining but the amount of gear they gave us covered everything but my hands and face. Which, of course, was enough for the sandflies to feed on. Those little fuckers bled me dry. They just swarm around you. Maori legend has they were created so people wouldn't linger too long in Milford Sound. I can see why because it was just spectacular. The mountains are almost perpendicular to the water and there's waterfalls streaking down just about everywhere. It rains two out of every three days in Fjordland which supplies a constant amount of freshwater on top of the salt water in the fjords. This creates a unique ecosystem where there are many species of plants and marine life growing in the sound that usually grow at much greater depths. I also saw a few seals swimming around. Toward the end of the day the sun came out so there were some amazing views. I think I'm getting jaded by the views in NZ. I've taken some good pictures though.

Well, I'm in Queenstown now I only have one week left in NZ. What else can I tell you... I stopped biting my fingernails... I miss my Les Paul (take good care of it Ron)... Swiss army knives are very useful... whitebait patties are good.

Take 'er easy!
Dave

Two Chubby Canadian Girls

Pictures here:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/URiagyWLaJgCocLU9

I think if I were to write a book about my trip that's what I would call it. They're everywhere and they seem to travel in pairs. Every hostel and every tour I've been on has included a pair of chubby Canadian girls. But I digress.

Last e-mail I said that I was about to go whitewater sledging. I am happy to say that thankfully I am still alive. You all know that I am prone to exaggeration, but seriously that was the most terrifying activity I've ever done. Worse than bungy, skydiving, motorcycle, or anything like that put together. I wasn't expecting it so it sneaked up on me. I should've known when we started putting our gear on and they gave us some kind of lacrosse helmet with a face shield. We spent half an hour in the river in the calm current just figuring out how to turn and how to turn over if we flip. The slegde is a plastic sled about 3 feet long with a handlebar on the inside. The golden rule is hold on no matter what.
So I wasn't taking it too seriously until the first rapid, which was class 3+. I've done river rafting before, so how hard could it be? Well, let me just describe it as a combination of sledding and drowning, with slamming into rocks is also involved. After the first rapid I wasn't sure whether I wanted to puke or crap my pants. Luckily, I was able to control myself and just wept uncontrollably. We had two more rapids, one of which was a class 4. Oh, by the way, says the guide, there's a waterfall on the right at the end of the class 4 which you want to avoid. The fun just keeps on coming! At the end of it all, rather than the sense of accomplishment that I had when I went skydiving, I just had a sense of relief that I wasn't dead.

I headed to Wellington next, which is a very cool city. It's full of cafes, bars, restaurants and clubs, and its city center is small and walkable. It's right on the water so just hanging out at the harbor on the waterfront is a cool way to chill. I spent a couple of days wandering around Te Papa, which is the national museum of New Zealand. It's fairly new and modern and is very interactive. There's heaps of exhibits on Maori culture and on the Treaty of Waitangi. Overall, I'd have to say it's the best museum I've ever toured.

I hooked up with this cat named Wairemu (Maori for William) on the bus ride on the way down to Wellington. Cool guy, but I wonder if he has ADD because he was constantly changing subjects. He's a chef who works at a restaurant called Fidel on Cuba Street, which is a sweet area in Wellington that has tons of little shops, restaurants, and cafes. Lloyd always said I was a communist so maybe I'm just drawn to it for that. Anyway, I managed to weasel a free dinner at his restaurant so I can't complain. There's supposedly a tattoo museum in Wellington that I went to look at, but it's just some guy's tattoo parlor with a bunch of pictures of freaky tattoos. I also checked out the Embassy Theater which is where each of the Lord of the Rings movies has had its world premiere. I saw Return of the King there... it's plush! They have assigned seating so I got a premium seat which is like a leather recliner in the middle of the theater. Plus you could get a beer in the theater. The only thing it's missing is... never mind. My mom's on this distribution list.

I finally got some good weather in Wellington, but when I was on the ferry crossing over to the South Island it turned to shit again so I couldn't see anything. I headed to Nelson where I stayed for a couple of days before heading out sea kayaking in Abel Tasman national park. It was a 3-day trip up the coastline of the park which was absolutely awesome! It's easy to see why it's the most popular walking park in New Zealand. The forest comes right out to the sea, and you get a really cool perspective from the water. I lucked out with the weather because I got two days of sun and one overcast day. The only rain we had was the first night which made it hard to get to sleep in the tent but otherwise it was all good. We paddled out to some of the small islands and had lunch and coffee on some tiny beaches. My guide was a dude named Leigh who does sea kayak trips in the summer and is a snowboarding instructor in the winter. His real passion is his rock band where he plays the drums. This guy's got the life! They're about to record an album and shoot a video so I told him if they ever tour in SF that they can crash at Ang's place. Ha ha!

Anyway, I'm back in Nelson now to chill out for a couple of days and save up some cash. Nelson is supposed to have the most days of sun in NZ so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. So far, so good. The hostel here has a pool and a hot tub, but they told me the pond would be good for me (come on... Caddyshack reference). I'm trying to eat as much venison as humanly possible while I'm down here. I'm also addicted to milk bottles, which are milk candies that are like those White Rabbits. Remember Woo when I ate that whole package over at your place and almost got sick?

As always, the dude abides.
Dave