An "Awesome" wedding

Hey everybody,

It's been a while since I had a year where I sent out two posts.  I think that's a good sign... it means I've done stuff that I think is worth sharing.  Whether you'll actually enjoy it is another story but this is about me ok?

Best Wedding Invitation Ever

Some of you might remember my old roommate Sean from when I lived in the Mission in SF or, as Jason and I used to call him, "Awesome."  Why did we call him Awesome?  You'll just have to ask Sean next time you see him, but I guarantee the ensuing storytellng and visuals are :chefkiss:.  Anyhow, back in the spring out of nowhere I got an invitation to attend his wedding in India, to which I, of course, replied "Fuck yes."  That wasn't actually one of the options but I did write it in.  I'd never been to India before and had always thought that when I finally did get a chance to travel there I'd take 3-4 months to really get a feel for that enormous country and its people and culture.  Fate intervened, however, and I only had 10 days of vacation left from work after my recent trip to England which meant I had to make do.  I decided to split the trip into the wedding part and then the relax part:  Beaches in Goa.

 

I'll spare you the gory details about my flight into Bengaluru other than to say that it was canceled on the day I was supposed to fly out and I spent 3 hours on the phone trying to negotiate another flight with Air India.  The wedding took place at a resort in the Nandi Hills about an hour outside of Bengaluru.  By the time I arrived to the hotel it was 4AM and the only person at the front desk was the executive chef which, yes, also seemed very strange at the time.  Unsurprisingly, about 30 minutes of shenanigans ensued whereby I was told I didn't have a room, or that I needed to wait until the following day at 2PM or that they didn't have a reservation for me.  We finally straightened that last part out when I realized that my booking was under "Mr. Dhave."  I finally got into a room at about 5AM and crashed.  That's the thing about traveling... if you can get into a chill state of mind you can handle just about anything.  Don't be in a hurry, don't be tired, don't be hungry.  The tired one can be a challenge because sometimes it's out of your control, but if you've got the other two covered you're usually ok.  The don't be hungry one drives me bonkers though.  Have you ever hung out with anyone who warns you that "they get hangry" and then whenever they haven't eaten for a while they turn into an asshole?  And then think it's ok or that you shouldn't react because they're "hangry?"  Well fuck that!  You're an adult!  Pack a granola bar or a banana or something.  Your lack of preparation does not constitute an emergency for me.

 

I packed light and figured I could buy clothes for the wedding once I got there and a few others in the wedding party felt the same way.  Ryan (Sean's brother), Elaine (Ryan's wife), Kaleigh, Corey and I took a trip into a several nearby villages to pick up some super sweet outfits.  As has been documented in these annals I suck at bargaining and luckily India is relatively cheap.  I ended up with 3 different outfits so I could go through my Beyonce outfit changes as appropriate.  I don't know if this is only me but I think a couple years ago was the first time that I was putting on clothes and looking at the mirror and going "yeah that looks pretty good" and then I panned up to my head and was like "Aaah!  Yikes who is that crinkly guy?"  That's how I feel about most of my pictures nowadays.  I don't think it'll ever stop me from wearing the same clothes I always do, but it might be a weird look to see an 82 year old guy sitting on a stoop with a backward ballcap, shorts and t-shirt instead of a cardigan and slacks.  Oh well.

 

Nandana and Sean showered by rose petals

Now to the main event.  Conceptually I was thinking that a 2-day wedding would have downtime, or times where I'd be bored or have nothing to do but that was definitely not the case.  It helped that over 20 of Sean's friends flew in from all corners of the globe, or that there were easily over 200 people at the wedding roaming in and out over the course of the weekend.  And honestly, I really love weddings.  I've attended over 50 of them (I lost count about 10 years ago) and I've officiated three of them.  They are the one day that is filled with hope, joy, friends and family and should pierce the veil of even the most hardened cynic.  I say "should" because some folks out there are buzz-killing soul siphons but hopefully you don't fall into that category.  Anyhow, there were four distinct parts of the wedding that sort of blurred together over the course of the two days.  Every ceremony had a kaleidoscope of colors from flowers, wreaths, clothing and decoration.  Music and chanting were a constant presence, either featured or hanging in the background.  I was grinning ear to ear both days.  It was a very different experience for me, with so much pure joy and smiles from all who attended.  It wasn't stuffy in any way like some of the western shit.  I didn't understand the language but I could get the vibe; colorful and chaotic but with a purpose.  Even the ceremonies themselves were formal and yet not, with lots of laughing and informality even from the priests themselves.  I can't remember all the details but the actual wedding itself was at 4AM on the second day which was meant to be an astrologically auspicious time.  Nandana's mom and her sister Shilpa split their time between participating in the ceremonies and making sure all the guests were having a good time (and helping us understand what the hell was going on).  Shilpa even sent all of us a doc with an explanation of all the rituals that happened on the Saturday. I'll never forget the experience and I don't think words will do it justice.  Hopefully the photos will help.

 

After the wedding I wanted to spend my last few days in India relaxing by the water.  Ever since I watched the second Bourne Identity movie I've been captivated by the idea of the beaches in Goa which is where they're staying at the beginning of the movie.  Whenever I say that to somebody the first thing they say is "wait doesn't his girlfriend die in that scene?" to which I say "yeah ok but that's not the point.  That beach looks amazing!"  It turns out the beach in that scene is called Palolem and is where I stayed for my sojourn in south Goa.  Well Palolem Beach was a lot less crowded when Matt Damon was running along the shoreline back in 2004 but it is spectacular nonetheless.  It's crescent-shaped with a small island at its northern tip, surrounded by palm trees and with a hippie/backpacker vibe.  Whenever I take a trip to a beach location I end up going stir crazy after a couple of days and finding something different to do but that didn't happen this time.  Maybe I needed the relaxation time.  I planted myself on a chair, listening to a good audiobook, occasionally went for a swim, then rinse and repeat until evening.  There are anchor points that I usually have when I'm traveling if I'm going to stay in one place for a few days and I'm not sure what I'm going to do, like looking for good beer, or finding decent coffee, or taking a cooking class (which I did).  I also took a half-day drive inland with my new pal Suraj to look at waterfalls and take a tour of a spice farm where they grow betel nuts, nutmeg, mace, vanilla, bananas, coriander, coffee, peppercorns, piri piri peppers, cinnamon, turmeric and basil.  Every herb had a requisite home remedy and the guide was excellent at explaining their sustainable practices, for example leveraging the betel nut trees to grow vines of vanilla because the trees have no branches.  The whole "health benefits" talk track was slightly undermined by tthe decrepit old man who entered from stage left and looked like he could have been toppled by a light breeze.  I talked to Suraj a bit about India in general during our drive together; he's optimistic likes the development that's happening in Goa, though he's concerned that beer prices will eventually spike to Bengaluru levels.

 

The next day I decided to try my luck at an Emotional Blockage Chakra treatment at the World Happiness School.  For those of you that know me well you might find this puzzling, but I saw these fliers around town and said to myself "Self... when is the next time you'll be able to have your emotional chakras unblocked by the World Happiness School?" Also at this point maybe I had gone slightly stir crazy about the beach but I'm not gonna go back and edit the previous section.  Anyway, it turns out that the school is a wooden shack in a secluded alcove about 100 yards from the beach run by a tiny, bespectacled and very smiley Indian gnome but, you know, details.  As for the experience itself, I'm going to refer back to my notes I wrote immediately afterward and write them out for you verbatim:

• Spent 10 minutes examining my feet, toes, calves.
• Said I have too many thoughts
• I had conflict and anger when I was younger (stored in my left leg).  Repressed anger.
• Told me I have sleep issues.  If I fix them my knees will feel better.
• Said that something traumatic happened to me when I was 21 or 22 (?) 
• Most painful massage I've ever had by far (1 hour) 
• Super intense breath work for the last 10 minutes 
• Felt like I was vibrating for 10 minutes after. Light headed when I tried to get up.  Still in a daze 20 mins later. 
• Homework
• Soak calves in hot water with salt for 20 minutes every day
• No salad for a while.  Maybe during the day.  Raw veg no good for sleep.
• Nutmeg in milk.
• For anxiety, in the daytime block my right nostril.  At night, block my left nostril. 

It was a crazy experience.  That little guy really tore me up.  He was fucking strong!  I was lying on my stomach the whole time but I'm pretty sure elbows got involved and I think he was walking on me for a while. My calves hurt for two days afterward.  He really got in there.  As some of you may know I'm not unfamiliar with the power of breath work but maybe something about the combination of the massaging and the length of the breath work got me all high. I've got nowhere to soak my calves and I haven't tried the nostril thing, but I've avoided eating raw vegetables for a while (not sure it's helping with my sleep).  I can't really say whether the unblocking worked but I'll let you know if it does.

Anand 'n me

That evening I went out for a sunset paddle on a kayak and spent the evening listening to live music while eating dinner and drinking a couple of beers.  This is where everything went wrong.  Maybe it was the tandoori prawns, or the unexpected raw veg on the papadums, or I dunno maybe I was expelling toxins from my treatment but that night was the onset of a violent bout of food poisoning that (sparing you the gory details) took me out of commission for the next 36 hours.  I didn't crawl out into the sunlight until the morning of my departure.  I decided to find a barber to shave my face and head and see if it could energize me in some way.  Well, the open-air barber I found on the main street turned out to be full-service.  It was the best shave of my life; straight razor twice in both directions.  He gave me a head massage, a face massage and exfoliation.  I've never been told to take my shirt off by a barber but I decided to just go with it.  He rubbed some kind of cooling oil all over me and massaged my head, arms and back.  Then he used a weird vibrating machine that attached to the palm of his hand and reminded me of a plate compactor to massage my arms and shoulders.  Then he cleaned out my nose, ears and even trimmed my eyebrows.  I walked out of there after an hour feeling... resplendent.  The downside is that I felt pretty oily for most of the day, like a mackerel.  Because the "treatment" took so long I almost missed my ride to the airport with Anand, who is a friend of Suraj.  We talked for most of the ride to the airport and I learned that he's newly married, he's been driving in Goa for 20 years, he likes English and German tourists but not Russians or Israelis (he is indifferent about Americans).  I told him that I was pleasantly surprised to see so many Indian tourists on the beach in Palolem (at least half) and Anand said that it was a recent phenomenon from Covid-times... people rediscovering their own country.  He also told me that next time I shouldn't go on a tour with Suraj because he's only been doing this for a couple of years, and Anand will take me to Hampi temple which he insists is one of the best places to visit in India.  He's conflicted about the development in Goa although he thinks it will be good for most people.  He also invited me to dinner at his house next time I come to Goa and said his wife will make chicken.  We covered a lot of ground in an hour and a half.  When he dropped me off he took a selfie of both of us and texted me a couple days later to make sure I got home all right.

I still don't really feel like I can say I "visited India" because I only saw two small specks on a huge continent.  I loved my time there, though, and I will be back when I can wander for, I dunno, two months at least.  People were friendly, the scenery and the history are amazing, food was great (especially fish thali), it was easy to get around and affordable.  I could have done with fewer emergency shits in the morning though.

Here's a link to the photos:  https://photos.app.goo.gl/qu8uzuv68xVmtdYLA

Take 'er easy,

Dave